Halloween

Let's be honest. I never expected Halloween in France to be anything like Halloween in the states. I knew that there wouldn't be trick or treaters and I knew that the freaks wouldn't come out of the woodwork at night. I was well aware that no zombies would walk down my street and no pumpkins would be aglow as I walked through the neighborhood at night. I wouldn't even get to see a normal looking pumpkin, let alone get my hands on it to carve it. And yet, even with all of this in my mind - I was still disappointed in Halloween. I had even lowered my expectations drastically and was still let down. I saw a handful of people dressed in costumes last night and no one that I knew. I spent all of an hour out waiting for something awesome to happen and it never did, so I was in bed on Halloween by midnight.

Pathetic.

If I'm being honest - I miss home. I miss being spooked, I miss people going all out, I miss pumpkins, I miss candy, I miss Mountain Dew, I miss friends, I miss working at the Riviera, I miss seeing movies, I miss 24 hour drive thrus, I miss businesses being open on Sundays, I miss my sister, I miss my brudder, I miss MC campus, I miss my parent's cooking, I miss everyone around me speaking English, I miss cars, I miss it all. It's always there, but sometimes when I get into little tiffs with people or things around me make me feel as though I'm being turned on - I start to miss home even more. It triggers this chain reaction of anger, sadness, and then homesickness. But if I'm still being honest - that's what made me want to leave home too. I would have arguments with people or lose people and I would just want to run away from it all. That's all I ever want to do - run away from my problems. It's difficult to run away here because there's no where for me to really go. I just shut myself in my room and wait for the feelings to go away. They usually do, it just takes some time to convince myself that this is what I've always wanted and I can't let a little hurt feelings make me think otherwise.