Fah-who foreze, Dah-who doreze.

Alright, can't hide it. I'm really really sad. I now understand what every international student feels when they meet new people, become incredibly close with new people, adapt their lives around new people only to either watch them leave their lives or to be the one leaving theirs. It's not easy.

My move out process has been less than ideal and almost painful. The landlady is not making things easy in the slightest and as much as I have to thank her for, she's making me happy to be moving out soon. Very soon. However, it's hard. I'm in my room right now, but it's the last night that I'll be in here forever. As soon as I publish this post, I'll probably be crying. I'm a girl and I'm emotional, it's allowed.

I don't even know what else to say. Except this sucks and I can't believe I'll have to do it all over again in May.

Last week of my first semester in France

Friends, a chapter is ending and a new one is beginning. I find myself once again reflecting on the time that I have spent here so far and I must say - it feels like it was yesterday and it feels like I've been here forever. I wish I could freeze time because the friends I have made here are so spectacular that I don't want them to leave. But all good things must come to an end, and now I just have more potential places to crash in the states if I get the travel bug at home.

I feel like I haven't learned nearly as much French as I would like to, but I've also been living on crutches, so to speak. I'm rarely forced to speak French and I have American friends. Maybe the silver lining of next semester will be that I'll finally not have a choice but to speak and learn French. After all, it's what I'm here for.
I also realized something yesterday, in abig way. The revelation hit me like a high speed supersonic TGV train. I've been throwing around names like "Italy", "Germany", and "France" like I'm going to a grocery store down the street. People spend their entire lives in one spot, never seeing the world and I'm getting the chance and have already booked tickets to some of the most amazing places in the world. I remember reading about these countries in history classes and thinking I'd never see them, never be there, and here I am about to hop on a train in a week and travel all around Europe. I feel like I haven't really appreciated the gravity of the opportunity that I have until just now.

Itinerary -
in one week I will be in Colmar, France. It's a cute little town near the border of France and Germany and it's adorable around Christmas time from what I've heard. It was a less known place that I chose because I stumbled upon it one day and it was labeled as one of the cutest, most fairytale-esque city in Europe.


Hopefully from there I will be taking a day trip to Strasbourg which I hear is somewhere that I really should visit. I'll check more into that and see what they have to offer.


From there, I'll be traveling south to spend the holidays with Melodie and I absolutely cannot wait. I'm so glad that she's letting me stay withher too because I think I would be a little homeless for a while if it weren't for her.

Sometime after that I will be coming back to Chambery and moving my stuff into a dorm and starting all over again. I'm excited about it though because this house would not be the same without Bridget or Amy to come home to.

Then on January 5th I (and my travel buddy, Michael Gunther) will be hopping on a plane and heading to Rome, Italy. I think this might be one of the things I'm most excited about because I want to go to the Vatican and Rome so bad I could just burst. Dream come true, really.


So - for the next month or so I don't know how often I'll be posting. I'll try and post at least once during or after a stay in a different place just to capture the feel and experience while it's fresh.

Monday story time though -
Today I had a lunch with the ISEP/ISEFE directors, so basically school officials. It was the Americans, the officials, and the two students who basically held our hands throughout this whole semester. We all got there and sat down and enjoyed a nice pizza and some non-alcoholic beverages. Very school appropriate, right? Ok, so then the two bottles of wine came out. No big deal, we drank them and continued eating. Then some candies with a popper inside came out, which I was afraid to pop because things like that scare me. Those came out, however, with two bottles of champagne. So, no big deal. I drank my champagne. Then I drank Amy's champagne. Then the bouche Noel came out. Then the macarons came out. And before I knew it, I was walking away from a school lunch with school officials slightly tipsy. Only in France, friends.

Only. In. France.

Deux Alps Weekend

< -- That's me. You know, looking all excited to be holding a snowboard in the Alps. If I had an after picture there would be less of a smile, more of a grimace. Not that I was necessarily attempting to grimace, just that my face froze that way after falling several times down a bunny slope. I often didn't even make it out of the starting gate. Pathetic.

My ski trip was overall...interesting. I can't really think of another word for it. It was fun for the most part. We all went ice skating one night and we had this huge ice rink to ourselves so we just goofed off in the snow for a bit. The hotel provided dinner for us each night we stayed there and the first night (brace yourselves) I tried salmon. Now for the anticipated reaction - didn't love it. Fish tastes fishy, and I understand that's often the appeal of eating fish but that's what generally turns me off it. But I at least gave it an honest shot. Our hotel room was freezing though, and Amy and I had to bundle up and steal extra blankets from the spare bed in our room just to keep from getting frost bite during the night.

Second day was ski/snowboard day. I opted for snowboarding for several reasons.
1- It's way cooler.
2- I felt more hardcore holding a snowboard than skis
3- I've never skied before, but I have been on a snowboard
4- I still just wanted to be cool

So, I made it (sort of) down the bunny slope a few times. They had one of those ski lifts that you just hold on to and it lifts you up the slope which is easier for skis, but difficult for a snowboard. I had to turn sideways, balance myself, get out of the way quickly when I fell... Moving on, I made it down a few times and then my gloves, which were weather inappropriate, froze and my hands froze with them. So I sat out for a little bit while my dear friends made their way down the slope.

Amy's collision story through Ashton's eyes - I'm standing at the bottom of the hill, right? And I finally spot Amy, my roommate, about halfway down. She's on the ground and I think "oh, she fell, poor thing" it happens to the best of us. But then I see Ron try and help her up and her fall back down on the ground. So something's wrong and I know it, but I'm like this helpless little thing at the bottom of the slope. Long story short, I ended up pulling my French resources and asking (in French) to get Amy help because she was injured. The snowmobile took her down the hill and then an ambulance came and picked her up. I rode with her to the little hospital thing and went to get her things as they took a look at her. Nothing was broken, but her meniscus was messed up and the poor thing is on crutches for 2 weeks. Crutches aren't easy, especially in ice and snow.

So that night was a pretty chill night. We ate some raclette (which is basically a French version of fondue...sort of. It's hard to explain) and then went upstairs. I had my first stand up shower since I've been in France and let me say - don't ever take showers for granted. After that I went to a little pub with some friends and hung out there for a bit. It was an old man's pub.

The next day I stuck with Amy and took care of some of her outrageous expenses (future reference - buy the ski insurance or France will charge you 350 euro to take you about 50 feet in a snowmobile.) and then we played rummy the rest of the day while we (or I, rather) watched the Davis Cup Tennis Tournament on the television in the hotel lobby.

So that was my ski trip in a nutshell and now for other news -

I realize I don't discuss my classes much. Basically I just have classes 4 days a week where they teach me French grammar. It's tough and sometimes I feel like the dumbest person in there because I still can't understand basic French phrases when they're directed at me (stage fright, I think), but something I have noticed is that I AM getting better. I learned that this weekend when I had to speak French to help Amy out and I learned that today when I actually spoke French more in class. I still struggle with it, but I think it will only get better, especially when I really have no choice but to speak French next semester.

Happy holidays, friends. I'll report back. This was probably longer than anyone wanted to read.

Faux snow day

Here's a little doozy of a story for you.

France + snow + Americans = catastrophic miscommunication.

It's been snowing in Chambéry since around 5 in the afternoon yesterday. It still hasn't stopped snowing and we now have I'd say at LEAST a foot and a half of snow with no signs of stopping anytime soon. So naturally, post snowman outside (which now looks vaguely like that mountain that Jack Skellington sings his lament on) we naturally began to wonder what the status of our courses would be for today.

I woke up at around 7 and just watched the snow until about 8 this morning. I'd first like to say that I have never seen snow fall like this in my life. I feel like TN gets max 4 inches and it melts away around noon anyway. This is an incredible sight and I am mesmerized by all it's fluffy white goodness. Way to bring in December, for sure. Once the girls woke up we started to actually find out whether or not we had school today. There was an email in our Savoie mailbox saying that the LL(insert two more letters here I can't remember) department was closed today. We are in the ISEFE program though, so we still weren't sure if that meant that we didn't have class or didn't have class. So Madame, our landlady, helped us out and she called the ISEFE building and no one picked up. She called several times and we still had no answer. All of our classes started at 9 and it's not exactly convenient for us to walk to school in a foot and a half of snow, across town, up a hill, for 30 minutes if we're just going to have to turn back around. So when no one answered, we all more or less took that to mean that no one was there and there would be no class.

So at around 10 something, she finally gets an answer and it turns out that mine and Bridget's professors trekked through the snow storm to teach the classes and give the tests that we were not there for.

I'm a little irritated. A lot irritated, actually. There should have been more communication, I think. Call out the every class, close the entire school, save the ISEFE building? They could have mentioned that in the email.

"Annulation des cours aujourd'hui ... except you Americans...you guys still need to show up."

Now I have that sinking feeling of being a terrible student, skipping class, missing a test, and concerned over the fact that I'm going to have to find a way to explain why I didn't show up to the professor I'm most afraid of. I'm hoping that a lot of people didn't show up and I won't be the only one. But they have to understand, right? I live 30 minutes away on a good, sunny, bright morning. Sans snow shoes, it would have taken me a lot longer to scale that mountain that is the hill to school and who wants to do that when odds are (so I thought) that it would be cancelled anyway?

Communication for the foreigners during snow storms. Really not too much to ask. Now I need to find a way to banish this feeling i have of missing class and actually enjoy my faux snow day. At least a foot and a half!

The lesson in all of this is: when in doubt, school's not out. Noted for tomorrow if this snow keeps up.

Told you all I'd be writing more ; )

Happy holidays!

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and what a wondrous holiday it was. The turkey arrived just in time and I dined in Chambéry meets America style. It started snowing during the feast though, which was not exactly what I bargained for. I've had to make some wardrobe adjustments since being here to be able to walk through slush and snow without getting frostbite on my poor little helpless toes. Plus part of the remaining pumpkin pie in the box I was carrying did not fair well in the wet, slushy, cold, unwelcome rain/snow/hail/slush/ice-water.

Now the pumpkin pie is all gone and has taken with it the remaining feel of Thanksgiving and fall. Now it's time for Christmas and winter. I have already started the month long process of making paper snowflakes, decorating baby trees, coloring Christmas trees, drinking Christmas tea, and watching Christmas movies. I think my favorite holiday movie is The Family Stone and I've already watched it once. I'm sure I'll watch it many more times before it's even Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas - I've started arranging my holiday plans and I couldn't be happier about them. Gunther is flying to France and we're going to Colmar (a town which I will tell you more about once I've actually been there) and possibly taking a day trip to Strasbourg. After that we/I am/are heading south to spend a good portion of break with Mélodie and I'm so excited about that. She's incredibly gracious and kind to let us spend the holidays with her and I'm lucky to have made friends that can house my homeless student butt over the holidays.

I'm also working on maybe a trip to Rome. This one is less confirmed, more just an ambitious fantasy of mine. I already know when the flight out is and where I would stay if it happens. I've done my research. Because I've been so excited about all this I've started a Europe bucket list for my remaining time here. What if I never get to come back to France? I want to make the absolute most of the time that I have here and see all the things that I really want to see, just in case.

On a related holiday note - I'm not dealing too well with the fact that my friends are leaving me. They aren't just leaving for break though, their leaving for good. I don't know who I'm going to come home and ramble in English to, who I'm going to to shopping with, or who I'm going to have lazy weekends with. I'm sad about it, but note that the France postal service will be getting a lot of business from me because I'll be sending them a million things.

Holidays - sad, right. I'm sad because there are things I miss from home. Little things. I kind of miss Christmas shopping for people. I miss walking downtown during Christmas time, the smell of chex mix in my kitchen, and putting up the tree. BUT walking around Chambéry (and eventually Colmar) during Christmas is going to almost trump walking around downtown Knoxville. It's going to be worth a holiday away from home.

PS - I'm going skiing/snowboarding this weekend and just you all wait until you see my ski pants. They will blow your minds.

THANKSGIVING!

The time has come, friends, for all things delicious. Just because I'm not in the states for the solely American tradition does not mean that I won't be celebrating it as close to the book as possible. There is a turkey, there are pumpkin pies, and there are a lot of people who just enjoy each other's company and want to be together tonight. That's pretty much all it takes to create the perfect Thanksgiving, I'd say.

Yes, I'm sad that I'm missing Thanksgiving with my family, but I'm just having it with a different family this year. There will be pictures, so don't fret. I'm about to run to the store and buy some last minute things.

But first, in the tradition of Thanksgiving, here's what I'm thankful for:

-My family
-My friends (both home and here)
-The fact that I'm in France right now
-The food that will soon be presenting itself before me
-My health because I don't know enough French to deal with doctors yet
-The insane opportunities that I've already had and that I still have yet to come
-The fact that I actually have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving

PS - I hardly ever get feedback on my posts so it's time to get interactive! Tell me what you're thankful for!

A lot on my mind

It seems that my animal instincts have kicked in and my body has started preparing for hibernation. There's a crisp chill in the air, not quite cold enough to burn your nose when you breathe or turn your lungs into crystals after a deep intake of breath, but it's heading in that direction. It gets dark early, it's cold throughout the day and night, and quite frankly I have a really hard time convincing myself to move from my warm harbor of a bed and out of my oh so comfy pjs. It's hard, friends.

Another big part of my not wanting to step out into the light of day (aside from that society driven desire to be a vampire - thanks, Vampire Diaries, thanks) is that I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately that have me unwilling to go outdoors and face the world. I think that's almost like the opposite of what I should be doing though. Staying cooped up all day leaves me with myself long enough to dwell on all the things that have been bothering me. I don't come to any conclusions or resolutions. I don't find myself at ease with anything on my mind. I've been told that becoming disconnected is part of the fun of studying abroad. I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. That has actually been the hardest thing for me. Coming from someone who only has a limited number of friends as it is, realizing that maybe my absence falls under indifference for some people has knocked me breathless. With distance comes clarity, I believe they say. If nothing else I learn who notices the void I've left from being out of their lives and who fills it so quickly and easily that I couldn't have made that much of an impression as it was. I would have had to learn these things eventually.

So personal goal now - let go. I feel like I want too much for my life to mean something to people and for my absence to mean something too that I get incredibly too let down. I need to let go of the majority of my connections with people and start anew. This means I stop sending desperate postcards and pleas to deaf ears. I need to stop putting forth effort for a while because it only stresses me out and keeps me from missing out on all the opportunities here. I'm letting the ties I have to people hold me back. Maryville College functions incredibly well without me. It's a fine establishment that my enrollment neither makes nor breaks. They've given me so much, but I will go ahead and predict that re-adjusting post study abroad is going to be incredibly challenging for me. It will be worth it, but it will be hard.

A little taste of November

It's only the 16th of November, but already so many things have happened. I should be at a Shakira concert right now, but I took the French transportation system for granted and couldn't get to Lyon to make it happen. To make up for that, I proceeded to go with Bridget to our pizza place and order my usual pizza (an order that the owner now knows by heart because I am a regular - success).

Shakira concert bust aside, I just came back the other night from Paris and I fell in love with that city all over again. I think it may be that I'm just getting more comfortable in France in general, but it felt different this time. I didn't feel as lost or confused. Plus I was watching some of the greatest names in tennis play in one of the greatest cities in the world. I was pretty bummed out that Nadal wasn't there, but I think I started appreciating other players more because of that. I wasn't so focused on that one player so I got to witness the potential in other players. I loved Llodra, the frenchman, because the French crowd went CRAZY for him. It was like I was at a rock concert or something. It was amazing. The trip was also a huge success because Mathieu was awesome enough to let my friend and I crash at his place for the weekend. I got to kind of experience Paris as more of an insider than an outsider looking in and even tried my hand at a French house party. I'm moving on up, friends. I can't wait to go back and hang out with a familiar Maryville College face in Paris very, very soon!

In other news, I think I'm really starting to pick up on the language. Definitely not speaking it, but I did catch myself writing something in French that I had intended to write in English. It's one small step for man, one giant leap for my overall comprehension. I'm hoping that it will be a domino effect and everything will just start falling into place with that one little push.

I don't know if I wrote about this yet or not, but I also spent the weekend before Paris in Nice. That was incredible and warm and all coast like. I loved the coast and could have stayed there a lot longer than 3 days. I also hit up Cannes and Monaco a little bit while I was there, but the weekend is not long enough to spend anywhere in France. I need a long time to just soak it all up.

It's getting close to Christmas time too, and I know Thanksgiving is first and all that, but they don't do that here so they're in Christmas mode meaning...so am I. I'm super excited about spending Christmas with Melodie and super grateful that I have friends here to spend Christmas with at all. It's going to be hard being away from home for Christmas, but it feels good knowing that I always have a place to stay here with someone. I love it.

There's my update for now. I feel like I leave so much out, but it all happens fast that if I continuously write about it I might miss out on something else.

Halloween

Let's be honest. I never expected Halloween in France to be anything like Halloween in the states. I knew that there wouldn't be trick or treaters and I knew that the freaks wouldn't come out of the woodwork at night. I was well aware that no zombies would walk down my street and no pumpkins would be aglow as I walked through the neighborhood at night. I wouldn't even get to see a normal looking pumpkin, let alone get my hands on it to carve it. And yet, even with all of this in my mind - I was still disappointed in Halloween. I had even lowered my expectations drastically and was still let down. I saw a handful of people dressed in costumes last night and no one that I knew. I spent all of an hour out waiting for something awesome to happen and it never did, so I was in bed on Halloween by midnight.

Pathetic.

If I'm being honest - I miss home. I miss being spooked, I miss people going all out, I miss pumpkins, I miss candy, I miss Mountain Dew, I miss friends, I miss working at the Riviera, I miss seeing movies, I miss 24 hour drive thrus, I miss businesses being open on Sundays, I miss my sister, I miss my brudder, I miss MC campus, I miss my parent's cooking, I miss everyone around me speaking English, I miss cars, I miss it all. It's always there, but sometimes when I get into little tiffs with people or things around me make me feel as though I'm being turned on - I start to miss home even more. It triggers this chain reaction of anger, sadness, and then homesickness. But if I'm still being honest - that's what made me want to leave home too. I would have arguments with people or lose people and I would just want to run away from it all. That's all I ever want to do - run away from my problems. It's difficult to run away here because there's no where for me to really go. I just shut myself in my room and wait for the feelings to go away. They usually do, it just takes some time to convince myself that this is what I've always wanted and I can't let a little hurt feelings make me think otherwise.

The View From the Afternoon

So, this is what I see from the window of my classroom every day. Technically this exact shot is from a bench outside the building where my classes are held, but you get the idea. Soon and very soon that will be covered with snow. It actually snowed up in the mountains a few days ago. It only rained cold, icy, wet rain in the valley, but the mountains did have snow.

It's been a while since I've posted any new updates. I think the last one was about my birthday, but very little has happened since then. I took a day trip to Italy with the ISEFE people. We're special. We're like Erasmus, but not because we're only Americans and Asians.

I think my expectations were a little too high. Maybe not too high, but maybe too different. When I picture Italy I picture Rome, the Vatican, Letters to Juliet even. I didn't picture industrialized city with a few nice old historical sites here and there. I realize now that I shouldn't go into things with expectations though, because if I hadn't then I really would have enjoyed it more I think. There is one thing that blew my mind far beyond my wildest dreams.

Italian pizza and gelato.

I've heard of the wonders. I've heard that pizza in Italy is the best and I've heard that you "just can't go to Italy without eating some gelato". But believe me when I say that I had no idea it was going to be like it was. First of all, it was the cheapest pizza I've had since I've been in Europe. We ate at this cute little Italian place that we finally found - believe it or not, it's crazy hard to find a sit down type restaurant where we were. I ordered the pizza margheurite...I'm not even sure if that's how you spell it because I've ordered that exact pizza and used at least 3 versions of that word in ordering it. So I'm no novice to this pizza. But when they brought that pizza out to me with my OUT OF THE TAP coke and I took my first bite I was expecting it to taste like every other marghajopoliseria pizza that I've eaten here. FALSE. It was the best pizza I have ever tasted in my entire life. Kudos, Italy. You rocked my taste bud's world.

Aside from that, very little else has been going on. I befriended this girl who loves Vampire Diaries as much as I do, possibly more. I then went on to turn two of my friends here onto the show. I'm making the world a better place, one vampire at a time. (Team Stefan, by the way). I also ate a kiwi for a boy. If you know me, then you know that's something I'd rather not do. I'd rather not try new things. Especially if they're good for me. But if I do, it usually means it's for something that's worth it...

Coming up: Trip to NICE! I'll get my bikini on, even if it's under a parka. We'll see how cold it gets. Also: PARIS for tennis! Get ready Nadal, I'm about to shake up your world. And then it will be time for my hips to speak truths at the Shakiraaaa concert.

I'm anxiously awaiting you, November <3

Twenty-one in France

I just turned twenty-one in France. Yes, friends, it's official: I'm a big girl now. It isn't that big of a deal in France as you can imagine. It isn't as though they have quite a high age restriction and this isn't as big of a landmark here. It was like any other Saturday night really, except the greeting I got instead of "Salut!" was typically "Happy birthday!". I enjoyed it.

My roomies and my adorable little landlady threw a little birthday party for me. It was precious and I loved it. I was caught totally off guard with it too. I gave them a good four hours to pull it together without me knowing since I took a birthday nap to rival all naps.

I'm starting to really miss my friends from home though. I think the fact that I didn't celebrate my birthday with anyone who has been in my life longer than a month and a half that made me realize how many people I left back home. I really just want all my friends to come here and just hang out with me a few days. I kind of wish I was going back home for Christmas just to reconnect a little. Nine months is a long time.

As far as classes go, I'm still struggling. My comprehension is getting a lot better, but I typically get stage fright as soon as someone speaks directly to me. It's like my brain shuts down and doesn't know how to process anything. I'm hoping that this is just a hurtle that I'll eventually get over. It's slightly discouraging.

My London trip has been cancelled, but has been replaced with a fairly decent substitute. I believe the first weekend of November we are going to Nice, Cannes, etc. I don't know which one we are actually spending time in or if we're hitting them all while we're there. Plans here generally fall in place as they're happening and never this far in advance. I may get the game plan while we're on the train.

Either way, it should be great. I'm excited about all of it! :)

Reflection and Redirection

Reflection: I've been in this country for a little over one month now. I've gone to Paris, I've ordered food, I've conversed briefly with people in French, and I've developed a routine. I'm living the dream and I am well aware of this fact.

However.

There was someone who told us that we would hit a three week mark and that three week mark would feel like rock bottom. We would feel like we would never learn this language, we would miss home, we would be depressed. My three week mark came about two and a half weeks late. I just started my classes yesterday and I'm drowning already. It isn't that there's a heavy workload or anything. It's just that I'm so overwhelmed by everything French. I have three professors and they all seem really awesome. One was the same professor who taught me for that 2 week refresher course and she's really cool. I even think the one who told me today that maybe I should go down a level or two is cool. The answer is not for me to go down a level or two, and that's decided. I've taken too much French in my past to not be at least at this level, it's just not clicking yet. I keep thinking maybe there's a switch in my brain for French and I just haven't flipped it yet.

So, Redirection: I'm going to focus even more on French language and learning to speak it. I'm going to show my professor that I belong in this level, maybe I belong in a higher level too. I'm going to get it, I'm going to master it, and I'm going to be French before I know it. Having her say that kind of hurt. That would make me the lowest level of all my American friends and I've taken more French than a lot of them. I've learned that all the French courses I've taken, however, differ greatly from the difficulty of their French courses. Anyway, this kind of lit a fire under my butt and now I have to learn it even faster.

Mange, Prie, Aime

Today I hopped on a train and went to Grenoble to see Eat, Pray, Love in English. I'm glad that I did. I think that with my fragile French, I would have missed out on a lot of messages that Elizabeth Gilbert was sending. Watching this movie was the first thing that's really hit home for me since I've been here. I found myself relating to so many of the things that she was saying and experiencing and it gave me a sense of hope after walking out of the theater. It definitely makes me want to stop and take a few steps back to look at my life. There's so much going on around me that sometimes it can get overwhelming and I miss out on feeling to the full extent. I want to find my balance and live within it. I, too, want to marvel at something.

I know this all probably sounds silly, but movies or stories like this really stick with me. It reminded me of the way that I felt after watching Into the Wild. There are so many life lessons that can be learned from the experiences of others. There's so much that we let slip by us from day to day that could easily have shifted our entire outlook on life if we had stopped to appreciate it. I may not be going to Italy to eat, India to pray, or Bali to fall in love, but what I am doing is taking the same journey to self discovery that Elizabeth Gilbert took. I can't let that slip through my fingers. I can't let any opportunity go to waste here. I can't let any feeling be neglected because every feeling, good or bad, shapes me. I feel good. I feel like there's change on the horizon. It is October, after all. Good things always happen in October.

Since I've been here I've found myself slowly discovering more of what I want. I'm learning what my passions truly are and trying to make decisions solely for me and not for others. That's part of the reason that I've started looking more into my education and what to do post graduation. Nothing is set in stone yet and right now I'm only gathering information to make an informed decision, but I feel like I abandoned something that I was really passionate about for an inexcusable reason. Fear. I quit something because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to come out on top. I can't let fear run my life anymore. I have to let fear be the motivation that whatever it is I'm fearing is probably something worth risking it all for.

Leave it to Julia Roberts and a new life in France to get me thinking :)

Switzerland

I went to Geneva, Switzerland today. Honestly, I sometimes have to step back and look at the life that I'm living. I never thought I would hop on a train from France and go to Switzerland for the day. It can sometimes seen surreal; like I'm living someone else's life or I'm just in the middle of a movie. It feels like that. Chambery is like a movie set; almost too perfect and adorable to be a real city.

I tried really hard to enjoy Geneva. It was a cold, gray, and wet day and that has more influence on my mood than I would like for it to. I feel like I don't appreciate certain experiences like I should when my surroundings are less than ideal. However, I kept telling myself where I was and how many people dream of being in my very wet Sperry shoes. I think what I gathered from the little time I spent in Geneva is that, for people on a tight budget like me, window shopping is the only way to shop. Not only does the US dollar converted to the Euro converted to the Swiss Franc really put me at a disadvantage, but let's face it: I don't shop at Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, or any of those ritzy places on my best paycheck in the states. For the middle class American, Geneva should be visited for it's beauty and charm and certainly not for the shopping. We went to a church and up to the tower of the church for a panoramic view of Geneva and that was what did it for me. Even on a cold rainy day, it was breathtaking.

As far as the home front goes, I'm still tackling a small case of homesickness. That in addition to my cold has me occasionally missing American food, American television, and my American self on our American couch. So when I got my care package in the mail today (thanks, Mom!) I felt instantly better. It's nice to still feel connected to home. It makes being here a lot easier and a lot more enjoyable.

I still can't wait for classes to start, and even today I started thinking about all the things that I want to accomplish. There are so many things I want to achieve, not just here, but in my life as a whole. I think France will most definitely be the place that I find myself. I'm already on my way to self discovery as it is.

Untitled.

I really hate gas stoves. No matter how many times I take that tiny match to that gas burner, I still freak out and jump back when it ignites. Sometimes it nearly singes my eyebrows. That may be an exaggeration, but it's still terrifying. I'm looking into longer matches or a longer lighter for my sanity's sake.

I'm still sick. I don't know if I ever mentioned that in any previous blogs, but I have been sick for a while now. It's kept me in bed for the past few days and has really cramped my style. I will occasionally go out, but usually I just lay in bed and blow my nose. I thought I was getting better, but I think it keeps slowly getting worse. It doesn't help that it's frigid in this house. A man came yesterday to turn on the heat and he's coming back today to set the temperature. I can't wait because it's hard to get out of bed when it's so stinkin' cold.

I went to a dinner last night with all the Americans and our advisor from school. We had a meeting beforehand where he told us all about the programs that we have coming up for us. Looks like I'm going to Geneva tomorrow which is awesome. I'm really excited about it. I also might be going to London for my birthday if it works out. He gave us several weekend options and my birthday weekend happened to be one of them. We were all planning on going somewhere awesome for my birthday; this way it would just be paid for.

There's a lot of other stuff going on too, mostly in France which I'm fine with since I am in France for a reason. I think we may be going to a city in Italy at some point too. There will be lots of wine and cheese involved, as is the French way.

Impromptu trip to Paris-

I just got back from Paris last night - luckily. It was looking like I wasn't going to make it out of that city at all at first. It was a fine example of how different the French culture is from the American culture. There was a train strike yesterday that made the train I was supposed to take back to Chambery get cancelled. So, my friend and I had to hop on the first train to Lyon and then take a bus all the way back to Chambery. It was all really complicated and stressful and we spent most of our last day in Paris dealing with the transportation system. It's so weird to me because they strike all the time, but in America if people continue to strike they just lose their jobs and get replaced and then it's over. Here though, they don't lose their jobs so they just strike. It's different and it's highly inconvenient.

Also, I got this newspaper at the metro stop yesterday that explained why there have been French military fellows with big big guns waltzing all over the place. I think that in another country there were some French people kidnapped and now they are worried about terrorism, but not super worried. The article mainly said the threat is really to French people outside their country, not within it. And it also mentioned they aren't worried about Bin Laden because he doesn't care about France, just the US. Thanks, article. But, the men are just guarding highly populated areas just to be safe. It's intimidating and comforting I guess.

I have mixed feelings about Paris. I like parts of it and don't like other parts of it. I think part of that was just me having really sore feet and being really tired. I went to the Louvre and just feel like I wasn't even in the right mindset to appreciate it. It was just kind of a mess of a trip and there was a lot of poor planning. A few people that went with us kept saying "Oh, don't plan things -- it doesn't matter, we're in Paris" but it did matter. You don't just go to a big city like that without some sort of plan.

I got to go to Roland Garros though, and that was all that I wanted to do in Paris. Mission accomplished. I'm ready for classes to start so I can start learning this language!

Pasta and baguettes

Everything is closed in France on Sundays and I'm running out of food. I finished off some pasta earlier and I'm currently eating some potatoes. I miss American food. I'm too picky of an eater to appreciate French food and I'm certainly not a fan of their tiny portions.

Everything about this place seems to be like a movie set. It's like none of this is actually real. It's all too amazing to actually be my life. I went out dancing again last night and it just seems so natural. I don't know what it is, but I'm loving this. I want this to be my reality forever because right now it seems like I'm not even in the real world. I love it.

I love it, and at the same time I am starting to miss home just a little bit.

I have a cold, but it's in France

So it's ok.

The past few days have been really busy and I haven't had much of a chance to actually update this. I went on a hike on Sunday to this mountain across from Mont Blanc which is the highest mountain in France, maybe Europe, I'm not actually sure. I'm sure they said, but everything's in French here and some things get lost in translation for me. Most things get lost in translation for me, actually. The hike was really hard. Even our guide from the school who goes hiking on a weekly basis told us after the fact that we did well because it was such a hard and steep hike. There were a few times where I wanted to give up and felt really defeated. That's becoming the theme of this place -- becoming defeated and then finding what it takes to push through it.

We finally got to the top and the view was worth it. The pain is always worth the reward here. I keep forgetting how much I hate the hike up too and just keep signing up for more of them. I was already feeling a little sick before the hike though, and now I think I have a pretty full blown case of the sniffles. Hiking a mountain will do that.

The next day we went to class and then almost immediately left for Lyon, which so far is probably one of my least favorite cities in France. The tour was boring because he really didn't show us anything interesting besides the cathedral and then we kept looking at the same building over and over. It wasn't the same, but they all looked the same. It was a failed attempt at a historical lesson on Lyon.

After the tour we wandered around and hiked up this huge hill to go to another big cathedral type building. The girls that I was with were all speaking French and some of them weren't as accepting of my inability to comprehend the conversation or respond. I stayed silent for most of it, unless someone was willing to speak English to me. There were some comments made, I later found out, about how we are in France to speak French and not to speak English. I took it kind of personal, but there was nothing I could do. I've only been here two weeks. I'm in France to learn French, and I can't help that it's a slow process. I'm sure they wouldn't have minded having someone there to translate for them if they couldn't understand.

That was just all a little disheartening. I was tired and sickly and just kind of felt defeated that night too. I was starting my spiral. According to people here -- week 3 is the "I'm homesick, I'll never be able to speak this stupid language, I'm miserable" week. I'm probably right on track. I don't know if I'll ever speak this language well, especially if people make me sad. It makes me less willing to attempt to speak because I feel like their judging me either way.

I'm done with classes now. At least the first intensive part of classes. I don't have to go back until October so I have a lot of free days coming up that I'm going to use very well. The next four days are already pretty much mapped out for me, but they're going to be awesome.

Last night was the first night I went out with a bunch of people. We had a dinner party at the other American's apartment and then went out to a few bars afterwards. I had the time of my life. I danced for about 4 hours and a few Spaniards taught me...maybe a salsa, I'm not really sure. It was amazing and I'll definitely be doing it again. I love this place, still. Even through the rough patches.

Wine & cheese!

Wine and cheese was awesome, and if you know me then you know that I don't even really like wine and cheese all that much. But, I've adopted this new "try everything" philosophy to go along with my "say yes" philosophy and I had to try it all. I actually liked one of the cheeses so much that I bought a half-kilo of it. It won't last long around here though, not the way that we eat.

I wasn't as impressed with the wine though. Apparently it wasn't just me either, a lot of people who actually like wine weren't too impressed with it. I have my French phone in hand now, I just haven't added any minutes to it yet. When I do, I'll be cool.

Today is my first free day that I've had in a while so I'm going to soak it all up. Oh, and we went to Annecy yesterday which is a beautiful tourist-y city. Pictures will follow soon so don't worry.

Vin et Fromage!

Tomorrow is wine and cheese day. It's a school function too - une grande sortie to go wine and cheese tasting. I'm living the good life, friends.

It's been a pretty interesting few days in Chambery. I've struggled through some classes because I had to speak in front of the class. Speaking in front of the class isn't something I like to do in English so I especially hate it in French. I also did something a little crazy yesterday -- I bought a French phone! I belong here. It's a little lame though. They don't do roll over minutes so when I buy minutes and texts, they expire within a certain amount of time. I'll just have to give everyone here my number and use all the minutes up!

I feel like I haven't had a real meal since I've been here. I just keep binge eating little things and living off bread and pasta. Which, by the way, I made last night. I have yet to find alfredo in France so I decided to take matters into my own hands and I made it from scratch. It was delicious. Apparently one of the tricks here is nutmeg in white sauce.

I have a lot of amazing things lined up for the next couple of weeks. Tomorrow is the wine and cheese tasting, then there's another hike on Sunday, a trip to Lyon Monday, and then even more in the future a cruise and a surprise trip to London. I'm so excited. I love France, I love it all, I could live here forever.

Day: ...

I can't really remember what day it is other than it's Saturday and that's only because I'm not in class. I don't know what day of the month it is and I'm not even really sure what time it is right now. I'm having a lazy to do try and bounce back from the week I've had.

I guess I'll get used to this in a while, but right now it's really hard to sleep because my bedroom has this balcony door that is 100% not soundproof and my bedroom is right next to the road. So I'm constantly hearing cars and insanely loud motorcycles speed down the road and when someone talks outside the window I swear it sounds like they're in my room. Right now that keeps waking me up and whatnot, but I think eventually I'll get used to the sounds and be able to sleep right through it.

I went shopping today. Shopping in France is a little different I guess. It took me a while to figure out what I was getting, but there were some familiar names. I jumped on the Activia yogurt just because it was something recognizable. I just kind of hand cashiers the biggest bills I have and hope that it covers it because I'm still not sure what they're saying when they speed speak the price of things.

I'm still having a hard time adjusting to the fact that drinking here is completely normal. In fact, the ISEP coordinator gave our tutor/show us around girl money to take us out for drinks. Essentially the school just paid for me Leffe beer, and that's totally acceptable here. I think that would be discouraged in the states, but...welcome to France, I guess.

I haven't done any real tourist-y things yet. I haven't taken an insane amount of pictures yet either, which as I know is starting to annoy some people. Like my mother. But I'm here for 9 months, and all these things around me aren't going anywhere so I'll take pictures eventually. I'll definitely take pictures on my hike tomorrow so you can all look forward to some of that. My goal now during my down time is to study French as much as possible. I'm starting to somewhat pick up on a few things here and there, but it's not coming as quickly as I'd like it to. So now it's time to buckle down and learn this language.

Oh, and I'm learning a little bit of Italian too, thanks to -- none other than the Italians. Ciao.

Bonjour people!

I had every intention of updating this daily, but with limited access to the internet that's presenting itself to be problematic.

I'm here, finally and have just finished day one of what's surely to be a grueling semester. I'm sure half the other people here are going to breeze right through it, but it turns out my French is horrible. I just nod my head and try to process everything, but it's not going as well as I'd hoped. I think I imagined this trip to be different in my head and I'd just step foot on French soil and be speaking the language right after. WRONG.

Navigating all my luggage in the airport and in the train station/on the train was a nightmare. Thankfully there were a lot of nice strangers along the way who helped me hoist a few suitcases here and there -- and actually get on the right train.

My landlady is cool, but speaks absolutely no French. And I'm pretty sure she weighs about as much as my suitcase. She's a little older and my room is up a few flights of stairs so I carried all my luggage in individual trips to my room. My room is cool. There's a balcony with an alright view. Just to touch on the view here a little bit -- the alps are incredible. It's gorgeous out here and this town is precious.

There are two other girls living here and its thanks to them that I've made it this far. Their translating has helped me a lot. Hopefully I'll get this down and be able to hold my own in conversations soon. I ordered a sandwich and some water in French today -- jambon et fromage. There are some other pretty awesome Americans -- one who is coincidentally from UT. Small world. We practically know each other and we're reppin' the south I guess.

I just took a shower. You wouldn't think that would be a monumental thing, but it was. I imagine its how my dog feels when I give him a bath. Only there was no one there to hold the shower head for me so I had to develop some serious skills -- in ten minutes. It's not easy and it's not refreshing. Showers are starting to creep up my "I'm going to miss..." list.

I haven't had a decent meal either. I've basically only had bread and tea, but delicious French bread and tea. Hopefully I'll get to the store soon and get some food. I've not been crazy hungry though. The walk to school is long and strenuous so when I get back to the states I want you all to expect calves of steel.

All in all, this seems like it's going to be an awesome trip. There are already hikes, bikes, and kayaks in my future and a few trips here and there with the people I've befriended.

More to come.

And so the journey begins

I have two days before I depart from Knoxville and land in the heart of France. Then I'll have a few hours of down time before I make my way down to a little city in the south -- Chambery. The nerves are bouncing all over the place and the various other mixed emotions that I have are just trying to find an outlet.

The packing is underway and soon there will be no turning back. There are so many things that I want to accomplish while I'm gone and so many things that I want to discover about myself and about a new culture. So I'm going to write them down now, before I leave, and reflect when I get back.

1. Always, always, always try something new. Every day I want to try at least one new thing.

2. Test myself all the time. There are going to be so many circumstances and some will be uncomfortable. It will be in how I react to these situations that will build my character as an international traveler.

3. Never miss an opportunity. In America, I have a tendency to just shut myself in a room and busy myself with mundane activities. I miss out on a lot that way and I tend to lack having a social life. I don't want that to be me in France. I want to always say yes to new opportunities. Expand my horizons.

4. Try new foods. I'm picky and this needs to change. I want to experience this culture in every way.

5. Accomplish something great. I want to do well over there in school. I feel like I've been sitting on some of my potential and I want to stretch my abilities to the fullest. I want to start now in making myself as educated as I can be.

6. Embrace the culture and take it with me the rest of my life. I want to learn all I can, experience all I can, and never let that leave me.

As of right now, these are my personal goals. I want to better myself in France and this is going to be the opportunity of a lifetime. I don't want to waste a second of it.